Cheers to Old Friends

This is Yokota Air Base in Japan, circa 1992.  It was my first duty assignment after training.  If you think it's a weird paint job on the C-5 than you are just too young :-)

I dug out this photo because I just got a great e-mail from someone I was stationed with back then.  He was a Staff Sergeant and I was a Second Lieutenant.  We've kept in touch over the years and from time to time he has asked for recommendations when applying for new civilian positions.  His e-mail shared that he had just been notified he got the job.  Yay!  

In the course of updating each other on our families, he said, "From my perspective it looks like that bubbly, smiling, energetic butter bar and cocky, smart ass SSgt we both knew in 1992 are doing pretty well these days...LOL!"

Truth be told, I spent most of that assignment at Yokota scared to death!  My Captain flight commander left within a couple months of my arrival and wasn't replaced for almost a year.  I had an 80-person flight responsible for air traffic control and airfield management at the primary airlift hub in Japan.  One thing I was confident about what that I had NO IDEA what I was doing.  But I had good people around me, super smart NCOs that wanted to see me and our unit succeed, and an upbeat attitude.  I learned soooooo much, thanks to the "smart ass SSgt" and many others :-) 

Friendships Fast and Slow

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Yikes - it's been a while since I've posted.  I could tell you things have been busy, like it's an unusual occurrence, but that would be silly.  High speed, semi-controlled chaos is our MO.

Something I have been thinking a lot about lately is friendship.  I feel like I have clicked lately with some of my nothing-to-do-with-the-military groups of friends.  I assumed it was because I now have a slower work life and more time to be more involved in my kids activities. But a chat with a friend (and very wise fellow band parent) made me look at it from a different angle. She said she could always tell a family was military when they moved onto her street, because they always had a wall - a distance - maybe from the knowledge that they would be moving on in a couple of years.

Is that true?  Do we do that? I think that might be the case.  I had chalked up this distance to our busy Air Force jobs, the frequent travel, the usual working mom/stay at home mom chasm and the lack of mental bandwidth to contribute more to the local community.  I believed my growing connectedness resulted from the time and attention I now had since escaping the Pentagon.

I think in the military we short cut to "close friends" a lot - it's one of the best things about the military actually.  A friend called and told me his sister was arriving at my base and didn't have a strong sponsor, could I help welcome her?  We picked her up from the airport and spent the weekend driving across Tokyo and shopping.  This was in 1993 I think.  We were bridesmaids in each others weddings, we are god parents to her sons. A few years ago, when we were in Germany, she e-mailed me that a good friend of hers had just arrived and liked wine and cooking, and I should give her a call.  This was maybe in 2002?  We just had a wonderful dinner with them last night, because thankfully they have moved back to DC. And for many years our three families have gotten together every December to assemble gingerbread houses.  Ok, the kids work on the houses, the parents drink wine.  We have traveled BY AIR to make this happen :-) and would gladly do it every year because these families have become family.

Civilian friendships don't always click this fast. I am now realizing that it's partly because great relationships take time, and also means being more open myself.  I love our community, and am so thankful to become more and more a part of it.

Who Are You?

Long ago, I was sent a "Your friend X just joined LinkedIn" e-mails and was clearly in a (more than usual) sarcastic mood, and put down a funny job title (kid wrangling) and other goofy stuff, then forgot about it.  Then a couple actual professional connections sent me link requests and asked what I was really up to. Oops. Time to get serious. This coincided with my decision to retire from the Air Force, so buffing up my online professional presence was a good idea.  

What amazes me is how many profiles have no photo.  Those in uniform have no excuse - a current official photo should always be close at hand.  But you don't even need that, like my friend Jennifer. She's a bright up-and-comer in the Airfield Operations career field, my old stomping grounds :-)

When you transition out of the military, definitely a professional photo is a great investment.  And please smile, like Sharon and Shellie. Sharon is one of the nicest general officers I have ever met, and currently serves on the Defense Advisory Committee on Women in the Service. She told me that they have been addressing the need for more tailored transition prep for female service members. Amen to that!  Shellie works in the space industry - I love the subtle space theme in the background of her picture. She's the current Chair of the Board for Women in Aerospace, a great organization I highly recommend joining.  

You can get equally great results without a professional sit down portrait, like my friends Cindy, Liz and Tammy.  Cindy and I were deployed together and ended up in the same TAP class - a true battle buddy! She's one of the smartest people I know.  She told me that her son took this picture, "It really doesn't have to be a big deal--you just have to be willing to take 30 pics and throw out 26 of them." 

My friend Liz and I got to know each other because our sons have been friends since Pre-K - and they started high school today - yikes! Liz has a fascinating career in museums and currently is Director of Program at the National Women's History Museum. It's a virtual museum now, but they are working towards creating a permanent physical site.

Tammy and I have worked together the last few years on the Officer Women Leadership Symposium hosted by Academy Women.  This is another great organization and event to take part in. Tammy told me the picture was taken by Public Affairs at Moody during a community relations event, and ended up being the perfect profile picture. I'm looking forward to seeing Tammy in a couple weeks at the AFA Air, Space and Cyber Conference - we'll be manning the Academy Women table (so come say hello!)

Working your profession into your profile picture is also a great idea, like my friends Carol, Erica and Lisa. I met Carol at my very first assignment - she was a new LT at Anderson and I was a new LT at Yokota.  Carol is now the Libby Army Airfield Manager in Arizona, which you totally get from her picture.  I also like that she's wearing AF blue even though she works for the Army now :-)   

My friend Erica is another deployment battle buddy. We met singing in the chapel choir, an oasis of calm during a crazy year away from home. She is now an ER Physicians Assistant in upstate New York. Wouldn't this be a welcome smile if you were sent to the ER? 

And my new connection Lisa is a writer, which you totally get from her picture. The Meat & Potatoes of Life is her award winning syndicated blog and print column, and I met her at a writing conference this spring, where I learned that she writes about her adventures as a military spouse, and graduated from the same school I did.  

As I put this together, I gained a new appreciation for the incredible women in my network. Sure motivates me to stop talking about some ideas I've been kicking around and actually start DOING. I can't thank them enough for allowing me to borrow their pictures for this post. 

So what does your profile look like?  Go dust it off and make sure you SMILE!

Take Your Family to Work!

Best family portrait ever (source)

I loved seeing all the kids on the metro last week for the annual take your kids to work day.  It made me kind of wistful for the days when my kids were younger and I could pull them out of school at will for airshow preview days and other cool events. Which reminded me of one of the most unusual events I've ever been a part of...

It was early on the morning of December 26th, 2006, and the house was packed with family.  My clock radio went off and the first coherent thing I heard was the announcement that former President Ford had died. My husband sighed and said, "Well I guess you are headed in to work." At the time I was assigned to Andrews and my squadron was responsible for the airfield.  At Andrews we actually exercised the funeral plan, so everyone was ready.  But still, all eyes would be on our flight line, so it was all hands on deck.  

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As the event schedule solidified, I realized that my family would be able to witness a part of this history taking place.  Our building looked directly on to the Air Force One parking ramp, and there would be a formal ceremony for when the casket arrived.  My grandfather, a WWII vet, my mom, my husbands parent's, my husband and kids all came on base and were in place early. Then we watched in awe as the ceremony took place. I remember a TV nearby playing the CNN feed, and it was EXACTLY what we were watching through the windows. 

So much is written about balancing work and home life, but when you are 100% a family, and work for an organization that is 24/7, "balance" just doesn't happen.  Instead what worked best for me was to merge them together whenever possible, and whenever it would benefit both.  I loved how my airmen stood up straighter and smiled when I would introduce them to my parents, husband or kids. I loved seeing the smile on my son's face when he got to sit in the trumpet section of the Air Force Band or the awestruck look on my daughter when she got to meet the first female Thunderbird pilot. Don't ever be afraid to involve your family in what you do - whether in combat boots or in flip flops, whether you work in a cubicle or are working a shift at the high school concession stand, whether you are paid or volunteering.

Great Leadership Advice

I just attended the Officer Women Leadership Symposium hosted annually by Academy Women.  Academy Women is an organization dedicated to leadership and mentorship that is open to women of all commissioning sources. It's a really great event that brings together women from all services and all ranks.  By far the best panel I went to was on Authentic Leadership.  On the panel was Brig Gen Lori Reynolds.  She looked like a tough customer!  But she couldn't have been a warmer or more engaging speaker.  She instantly telegraphed both competence and warmth. 

When we got to the audience questions, a Navy midshipman stood up and asked the General about how to carry herself.  She described herself as "6'1" with a face that always makes me look angry."  She asked how she could change to be a better leader, because she didn't feel like she was received well as a midshipman leader - that she intimidated.  General Reynolds said simply, "Don't change." She encouraged the midshipman to be herself, and let her actions speak for her.  She also recommended standing up slowly, and that the midshipman's ability to see eye to eye with her sailors would be an asset.  It was such a refreshing take on the issue.

Another audience member asked about what to do when you are not recognized as the leader in a group, especially in civilian attire.  Diane Randon had a super great answer for that.  She's 5'4" and is the civilian equivalent to a 3-star, but often gets mistaken for the assistant to her 2-star deputy.  Her advice was that really, there was nothing you could do, that being mistaken for something less had happened her entire civilian career.  But having someone underestimate you, if only for a moment, is really a benefit - that there is power in the element of surprise.

The biggest take away from the panel was to be your self, your best possible self, that authenticity is what would make you the best possible leader.  It's something I bet most all women in the military struggle with, because your style of leadership is likely going to be different from your male counterparts.  But hearing the panel speak was a great indication that just because your approach might be different, doesn't mean you won't be successful.  Awesome!

My Leadership Soapbox

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One of the awesome things about living in the DC area is that eventually anyone you know from the Air Force will pass through - either for a TDY or a more permanent stay.  A good friend from many assignments ago lives nearby now, and with my new cool part time schedule we've gotten in the habit of meeting for lunch once a month or so - or at least, it's a trend I want to continue :-)

We got to talking about leadership styles.  She and her husband are a total team, and both support 100% the people in the units they are assigned to.  They are the kind of people that know the names of every airman, their spouses and their kids.  They are in tune with more than the mission; they are in tune with every person getting the mission done.

At our recent lunch, we got to talking about leaders that are the opposite.  The stoic types. The ones that keep their distance unless they are sitting at your table at a formal dinner or on an official tour. (see this take on base tours here)  The ones that never talk about their own family let alone about yours. We commiserated that this is the type of leader that is being groomed and promoted by our Air Force. That somehow personable leadership styles are considered a negative.

More and more I consider myself exceptionally blessed with the unit I got to command.  At a deployed location so much of the queepy stuff goes away. And you are 100% manned. And we were also about as far as you could get away from the Pentagon and still be on the same planet - meaning - I could be myself with not a lot of oversight :-) But why is this a unique case?  Why can't we let leaders lead in the way that fits them and their unit, instead of an institutional ideal?